I hate to even admit it but I love the MTV show The Jersey Shore. It is the guiltiest of guilty pleasures and I'm completely sucked in. Anyway, a quote from one of the girls struck me as interesting. During her bio J-Wow said "I'm like a praying mantis. After I have sex with a guy I want to rip his head off." This is something that I wish I could achieve. How do you feel detached from someone when I usually feel more attached? I wish I could feel that separation because it would be a lot easier. I know a lot girls who think they can do that but I know better. It is nearly impossible.
I find that most guys only want me sexually and if I could develop this hatred for them afterward it would help immensely. I try to abstain completely and I can do that for so long, but then opportunity comes up. I think why not, I'm attractive, my body is beautiful, as long as we're friends, etc. But I know better. It's still damn hard though.
Guys have a hard time forgetting me but it doesn't mean they have feelings. They just act sweet to get what they want. I'm smart enough to know better but I wish I could play their game. I wish I could take something from them that they would feel bad about.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Email that I sent to my family last week
I get to help out with my ailing, awful grandparents once a week and here is an email that I sent to my entire family about one particularly harrowing experience:
Hello family,
I had the pleasure of babysitting duty for Captain and Mrs. Annoying and I wanted to tell you all about my wonderful Sunday.
Last night I had my 10 year high school reunion where I was very worried about Grandpop at the open bar. After many vodka tonics I finally relieved most of my worry for the night.
I woke up this morning at my place with my pajamas on backwards and the worst hangover I've had in years.
I spent all morning throwing up and laying on my couch praying for my forehead to stop pounding. At 10:30 am I called Uncle Mike's BFF before she could call me and get mad at me for not answering.
Adria informed me that although she went shopping 2 days ago with Jeanie, she "forgot" a couple of items and needed me to take her to Giant. I think she didn't want to spend over $20 at her last shopping trip so she omitted a few things, assuming I could take her shopping again today. I can barely tolerate shopping with Adria when I'm feeling normal, and knew that this was sure to be my worst nightmare.
My stomach was almost settled at Giant but I did NOT have the patience for Adria's antics today. Her "few" things ended up being about 10 items located all over the store. While she was trying find her hair dye, which was quite time consuming since she can't see anything, I had to walk away to avoid losing my breakfast in the store. She proceeded to approach strangers to ask where things are (most of whom ignored her), crash her cart into the shelves and my legs (because she couldn't see them), and be an all around pain in the ass.
After the shopping nightmare we went to visit Rudy where she continued to annoy the shit out of me. All she did was complain about how the nurses don't do anything but sit and watch TV. She calls them "witches" since they only come out at night. She also annoyed the hell of Rudy by going through his closet and bugging him about where his socks went. She is afraid to be alone with Rudy so she followed me to the bathroom (even though she had just gone) and then complained about how far we had to walk to it.
I have never been more relieved to drop that woman off at home.
Dad, now I truly understand why you drink.
Love, Laura
Hello family,
I had the pleasure of babysitting duty for Captain and Mrs. Annoying and I wanted to tell you all about my wonderful Sunday.
Last night I had my 10 year high school reunion where I was very worried about Grandpop at the open bar. After many vodka tonics I finally relieved most of my worry for the night.
I woke up this morning at my place with my pajamas on backwards and the worst hangover I've had in years.
I spent all morning throwing up and laying on my couch praying for my forehead to stop pounding. At 10:30 am I called Uncle Mike's BFF before she could call me and get mad at me for not answering.
Adria informed me that although she went shopping 2 days ago with Jeanie, she "forgot" a couple of items and needed me to take her to Giant. I think she didn't want to spend over $20 at her last shopping trip so she omitted a few things, assuming I could take her shopping again today. I can barely tolerate shopping with Adria when I'm feeling normal, and knew that this was sure to be my worst nightmare.
My stomach was almost settled at Giant but I did NOT have the patience for Adria's antics today. Her "few" things ended up being about 10 items located all over the store. While she was trying find her hair dye, which was quite time consuming since she can't see anything, I had to walk away to avoid losing my breakfast in the store. She proceeded to approach strangers to ask where things are (most of whom ignored her), crash her cart into the shelves and my legs (because she couldn't see them), and be an all around pain in the ass.
After the shopping nightmare we went to visit Rudy where she continued to annoy the shit out of me. All she did was complain about how the nurses don't do anything but sit and watch TV. She calls them "witches" since they only come out at night. She also annoyed the hell of Rudy by going through his closet and bugging him about where his socks went. She is afraid to be alone with Rudy so she followed me to the bathroom (even though she had just gone) and then complained about how far we had to walk to it.
I have never been more relieved to drop that woman off at home.
Dad, now I truly understand why you drink.
Love, Laura
Monday, December 7, 2009
Bloggy Blog I'm 29
So I've been encouraged to blog more because my life is "interesting" and why not. I have a voice and I should use it. I will be writing on here more often to get my thoughts out.
Anyway, last week I turned 29,which isn't old in my book. I don't feel old, but there are some changes that I've noticed in myself and I thought I'd share them with you:
Signs Laura is getting older
1. Whenever I notice a hot guy my age, I immediately check his left hand for a wedding ring. Wtf?! I never had to do this when I was 23. I guess it's better safe than sorry. And 1 out of 3 guys is wearing one. Damnit. Even though I'm not growing up, the guys of my generation are.
2. I can't sleep past 8 am or stay up past 12 if I'm alone. My stupid job and years of waking up at 6am have made me one of those annoying morning/old people.
3. I now stay away from guys who aren't into me or are bad for me. In my early 20s I used to chase the shit out of so many assholes who could care less if they saw me. I would call them and pretend it was an accident. I would stare at my phone and wait desperately for them to call back. Now if a guy is an asshole to me just once I am done. I'm sad but I'm so over it. And I hate his guts.
What the hell is the point of waiting for someone who doesn't want me? (and here we have grown up Laura speaking). It's a lonely life but it feels lonelier (is that a word?) to be neglected and used.
4. Driving is now scary to me. I don't like driving fast. I don't like driving on the highway. I'm afraid of driving in the rain. I don't like riding with someone who drives fast and I will beg them to slow down. Younger me was no speed demon but I was never afraid to zip back and forth to New York or the shore in a heartbeat.
5. Fast food makes me sick. Now I really sound like my mother. I could eat McNuggets with no problem as a kid but now it all makes me want to puke. This is a good thing but don't tell my mother she was right.
Signs Laura Isn't Getting Old
1. No gray hair
2. No wrinkles
3. I have gained only 10 lbs since high school and I am more fit and active now.
4. People think I'm a college kid
5. I have no desire to get married or have kids. Grown up Laura does her own thing and doesn't worry about what her friends are doing. Just like young Laura.
Ok I'll stop talking about myself in the 3rd person like a douche. It's good to be back.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Beauty tips to share
So no more blogging about the highs and lows of my love life since we all know how this story ends. I have no problem meeting guys but can't seem to keep them, blah blah blah. I have shitty luck and only attract liars, but I'm not ready for the real thing anyway.
So instead I'll share some beauty tips that have helped me over the years:
1. At the end of your shower, turn off the hot water and rinse your body in ice cold water for 10 seconds. It's good for your skin, keeps your breasts firm, and defrizzes your hair. It feels great in the summer but it's not so easy in the winter.
2. Don't wash your hair every day. I know it sounds gross, but once you do it for about a week your hair gets used to it, and it doesn't get greasy. It actually looks better the next day. Get a good shower cap and cover your hair when you shower. Smooth a little bit of baby powder on your roots or try one of the many expensive dry shampoos. You will save money when you shampoo less and your hair grows faster and feels healthier.
3. Wear sunscreen on your face every day. Don't forget to cover your neck too. I love Jergen's Natural Glow Moisturizer with SPF 20. It gives you a healthy tint without looking fake.
4. Speaking of glow, I also love Jergen's Natural Glow foaming lotion. It feels nice and cool on your skin and gives you even, natural looking tan.
5. Use men's razors for shaving your legs. In fact use them for all shaving. In college a friend told me to try men's razors and I never went back to the pussy girlie ones that cut the shit out of my legs. I use a Mach 3 and I love it. It gives me a much closer shave and I rarely cut myself. I'm a hairy girl and I only need to shave my legs about once a week.
6. I carry John Frieda's Secret Weapon style in cream in my purse but it's so amazing at taming my frizzies.
7. Don't be the kind of woman who wears makeup every day, especially eye makeup. It makes you look old and it will be a big suprise the first time someone sees you without it, and not a good suprise.
8. Get haircuts at a good salon. Go to the same stylist everytime and they'll get to know your hair and your style. I go to a fancy salon and get highlights and see it as an accessory that I wear everyday, so I get a lot more use from it than expensive shoes or jeans.
9. Nothing makes your skin look better than exercise, especially cardio.
10. Love yourself and masturbate often. Haha.
So instead I'll share some beauty tips that have helped me over the years:
1. At the end of your shower, turn off the hot water and rinse your body in ice cold water for 10 seconds. It's good for your skin, keeps your breasts firm, and defrizzes your hair. It feels great in the summer but it's not so easy in the winter.
2. Don't wash your hair every day. I know it sounds gross, but once you do it for about a week your hair gets used to it, and it doesn't get greasy. It actually looks better the next day. Get a good shower cap and cover your hair when you shower. Smooth a little bit of baby powder on your roots or try one of the many expensive dry shampoos. You will save money when you shampoo less and your hair grows faster and feels healthier.
3. Wear sunscreen on your face every day. Don't forget to cover your neck too. I love Jergen's Natural Glow Moisturizer with SPF 20. It gives you a healthy tint without looking fake.
4. Speaking of glow, I also love Jergen's Natural Glow foaming lotion. It feels nice and cool on your skin and gives you even, natural looking tan.
5. Use men's razors for shaving your legs. In fact use them for all shaving. In college a friend told me to try men's razors and I never went back to the pussy girlie ones that cut the shit out of my legs. I use a Mach 3 and I love it. It gives me a much closer shave and I rarely cut myself. I'm a hairy girl and I only need to shave my legs about once a week.
6. I carry John Frieda's Secret Weapon style in cream in my purse but it's so amazing at taming my frizzies.
7. Don't be the kind of woman who wears makeup every day, especially eye makeup. It makes you look old and it will be a big suprise the first time someone sees you without it, and not a good suprise.
8. Get haircuts at a good salon. Go to the same stylist everytime and they'll get to know your hair and your style. I go to a fancy salon and get highlights and see it as an accessory that I wear everyday, so I get a lot more use from it than expensive shoes or jeans.
9. Nothing makes your skin look better than exercise, especially cardio.
10. Love yourself and masturbate often. Haha.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Liar
You have disappointed me immensely.
You were nothing but lies and deceit.
I let you into my world and you did nothing but betray me.
You are a disgusting, filthy coward.
No matter who you fuck, she's never going to want you again.
She doesn't love you anymore.
She has moved on.
So suffer in pain like a real man.
Sleep alone, cry, meditate.
Don't seek comfort in another woman's cunt.
You're never going to find it there.
She will never look at you that way again.
No matter who you fuck.
That won't make you feel better.
So get over it.
Stop lying and causing more pain to others.
Even an unwanted, aborted child didn't stop you,
From spreading your poison around Philadelphia and beyond.
From continuing your lies,
Keeping up appearances,
Never sleeping alone,
And most of all, lying to yourself.
Even an amazing woman like me,
Wasn't good enough to stop your cycle.
I gave you everything I had.
And you took all you could
From me
And the next girl.
And the next.
Basically any girl who is stupid enough to fall for your fake sincerely and "passion"
You will take advantage of.
Prey on their loneliness.
Pretend you care what they say.
And then fuck another girl the next day.
You can't say no to any pussy.
Until your dick turns purple and falls off.
I have one question for you.
When you look at yourself in the mirror each morning, do you like the man that you see?
Would you trust him?
That's what I thought.
So fuck you.
I will tell your story to anyone who will listen.
And you will get what you deserve.
You will be alone.
While she marries someone else.
So get the fuck over it.
You pathetic excuse for a man.
You will get what you deserve.
You were nothing but lies and deceit.
I let you into my world and you did nothing but betray me.
You are a disgusting, filthy coward.
No matter who you fuck, she's never going to want you again.
She doesn't love you anymore.
She has moved on.
So suffer in pain like a real man.
Sleep alone, cry, meditate.
Don't seek comfort in another woman's cunt.
You're never going to find it there.
She will never look at you that way again.
No matter who you fuck.
That won't make you feel better.
So get over it.
Stop lying and causing more pain to others.
Even an unwanted, aborted child didn't stop you,
From spreading your poison around Philadelphia and beyond.
From continuing your lies,
Keeping up appearances,
Never sleeping alone,
And most of all, lying to yourself.
Even an amazing woman like me,
Wasn't good enough to stop your cycle.
I gave you everything I had.
And you took all you could
From me
And the next girl.
And the next.
Basically any girl who is stupid enough to fall for your fake sincerely and "passion"
You will take advantage of.
Prey on their loneliness.
Pretend you care what they say.
And then fuck another girl the next day.
You can't say no to any pussy.
Until your dick turns purple and falls off.
I have one question for you.
When you look at yourself in the mirror each morning, do you like the man that you see?
Would you trust him?
That's what I thought.
So fuck you.
I will tell your story to anyone who will listen.
And you will get what you deserve.
You will be alone.
While she marries someone else.
So get the fuck over it.
You pathetic excuse for a man.
You will get what you deserve.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Living alone
Hi Martha!
Hi Mom! I'm not sure if you want to read all my old posts. I'm post one that's more PG and not oversharing. Hehe.
So I've been living alone for one year. A lot has happened since then. I still feel lonely sometimes but overall I'm happy with my living arrangement. Living alone is tough. You really have to be independent. I fit the bill. I'm happy when I have company and I go out often and keep busy. I like being able to have all the secrets that I want. No one sees me from day to day so no one knows what I really do.
The gods have worked in my favor and given me the gift of a great job. I wasn't even actively looking. I just posted my resume on Monster several months ago and I thought it disappeared into cyberspace. Apparently not. Wells Fargo needed me badly to be their "Mortgage Specialist" and I'd be stupid not to take advantage. I never have luck like this. They were offering me amazing money. Money that will help me pay down my debts and give me the financial freedom to do what I want.
Whatever that is.
The job is high stress and high stakes. It's kind of exciting. I'm doing well so far (at least I hope) although today I was pulling my hair out over a messed up loan trying to close tomorrow. But it wasn't my fault and I don't think anyone blames me. I know this job isn't my dream, but it's my dream for right now. This job could save me.
Hi Mom! I'm not sure if you want to read all my old posts. I'm post one that's more PG and not oversharing. Hehe.
So I've been living alone for one year. A lot has happened since then. I still feel lonely sometimes but overall I'm happy with my living arrangement. Living alone is tough. You really have to be independent. I fit the bill. I'm happy when I have company and I go out often and keep busy. I like being able to have all the secrets that I want. No one sees me from day to day so no one knows what I really do.
The gods have worked in my favor and given me the gift of a great job. I wasn't even actively looking. I just posted my resume on Monster several months ago and I thought it disappeared into cyberspace. Apparently not. Wells Fargo needed me badly to be their "Mortgage Specialist" and I'd be stupid not to take advantage. I never have luck like this. They were offering me amazing money. Money that will help me pay down my debts and give me the financial freedom to do what I want.
Whatever that is.
The job is high stress and high stakes. It's kind of exciting. I'm doing well so far (at least I hope) although today I was pulling my hair out over a messed up loan trying to close tomorrow. But it wasn't my fault and I don't think anyone blames me. I know this job isn't my dream, but it's my dream for right now. This job could save me.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sensuality
I have rediscovered my sensuality and it is amazing. I have found myself a boy toy. Or rather he found me on Christmas Eve Eve. What a lovely present to find during an especially lonely time of the year.
He swept me away with his accent and flirtation. He extremely affectionate. He is intelligent and funny in my goofy way. He open-minded and adventurous.
He touches and kisses as hard as I do, yet not too hard. He always seems genuinely happy to see me. He is beautiful, passionate and exotic. Everything that my last wasn't.
I know that few things last and I won't be too surprised if and when this one fades.
I take him for what he is and not what I wish that he would be. No one can save me from my loneliness but me.
I'm not letting myself get swept away before knowing who he really is this time. I'm keeping my head and yet enjoying every drop of passion and feeling. He heals me the way that I need, and he's finally erased all of the other fingerprints.
This time I won't let anyone cloud my goals or my boundaries. I just enjoy his company.
However, there are red flags. He fails to meet #1 on my mate criteria- must be into only me. There is a potent ex factor. He says that they tried all they could but he is obviously not over it. I wish he was. I'm so tired of men who pine for anyone but me. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with, damnit.
It's hard to say what his priorities are. I have a feeling that I'm not the only fish his pond. For once that doesn't hurt. I must have spent all of my hurt on the last one. No one is getting that close to my heart this time.
I will truly be fine either way. However, it is nice to have someone to kiss and spend time with :0
We shall see what hapens.
He swept me away with his accent and flirtation. He extremely affectionate. He is intelligent and funny in my goofy way. He open-minded and adventurous.
He touches and kisses as hard as I do, yet not too hard. He always seems genuinely happy to see me. He is beautiful, passionate and exotic. Everything that my last wasn't.
I know that few things last and I won't be too surprised if and when this one fades.
I take him for what he is and not what I wish that he would be. No one can save me from my loneliness but me.
I'm not letting myself get swept away before knowing who he really is this time. I'm keeping my head and yet enjoying every drop of passion and feeling. He heals me the way that I need, and he's finally erased all of the other fingerprints.
This time I won't let anyone cloud my goals or my boundaries. I just enjoy his company.
However, there are red flags. He fails to meet #1 on my mate criteria- must be into only me. There is a potent ex factor. He says that they tried all they could but he is obviously not over it. I wish he was. I'm so tired of men who pine for anyone but me. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with, damnit.
It's hard to say what his priorities are. I have a feeling that I'm not the only fish his pond. For once that doesn't hurt. I must have spent all of my hurt on the last one. No one is getting that close to my heart this time.
I will truly be fine either way. However, it is nice to have someone to kiss and spend time with :0
We shall see what hapens.
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