I never blog and I should. It makes me happy. Even reading my old blogs make me happy even though I mostly blog sad things. I noticed that I blog a lot about loneliness. I can't help it. It's always on my mind and I'm usually lonely when I blog.
How much time do you spend alone every day? I think being alone is healthy and necessary but it's possible to have too much solitude. Driving alone sometimes kills me and I do it for at least 2 hours everyday. I think about (you guessed it!) my loneliness and where I'm going in life. If it's a good day I feel positive and picture myself doing exciting things. I picture myself succeeding at whatever I desire that day. I usually picking myself living in New York City (guessed it again!) where there are more people like me and falling in love with some faceless guy. I picture myself finally feeling like I fit in and wearing adorable and not too trendy clothes.
What do you think about when you're alone? Do you worry about what other people are doing? I try not to do that but it's difficult not too. Especially if you had a romantic relationship with that person. I'm always afraid of running into a number of my exes and I know if I stop thinking about them, then I actually WILL run into them. I swear it's a law of nature or something.
Theme song for these many alone moments:
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
New year?
This is supposed to be my year without heartbreak. Now here you are.
You you you.... You crept out the woodworks, surprising the shit out of me, and here I am. This is how it always happens. You always only think of me when I'm not thinking of you. You find me when I'm perfectly content to be alone, wearing pjs and slippers watching tv on a Friday night. You find me when I'm so satisfied with my solitude that I can't imagine ever sharing it with anyone. I'm not lonely when I'm not missing someone or waiting for their call. I've accepted that I might have to be my own partner in life, which is better than having a bad one. Then here you are.
I've been through this before with others and it always ends the same. But I can't help but to test the waters a little.
I swore I wouldn't see you unless you really tried then all of a sudden you pick this moment to do just that.
I don't want to get sucked into more disappointment. I really don't. I'm perfectly happy when I'm not getting over somebody's absence. I perfected the art of being contently alone in my apartment and in my life. Shopping, running, thinking alone and not really interacting with anyone throughout the day.
Now suddenly you want to see me. It's gratifying since you harshly blew me off months ago. It feels good that you can't forget me. I withhold myself but I let you desire and crave me. I've already gotten over you so I don't care to give in and give you what you want. I'm making me happy this time. I lap up the attention but I don't know how this will continue. I try to explain a little of my plight but did I talk too much? Am I too intense for you?
But what do you want, really? I'm so sick of being a pet and I've been avoiding men for that reason. I really hope you're not only after my body. I've had enough of that.
It's so hard to tell. You don't talk. What are you thinking? Are you gonna disappoint me again? Am I foolish to even see you? Are you seeking me out because you now have the time for me? Or are you just bored? What you want with me? Do you even know? Because I don't. I just don't want to be let down again, so I'm not getting my hopes up. If you don't want me for more than a body than tell me now before I fall into foolishness. I suppose all I can do is see what happens. I hope you text me first.
You you you.... You crept out the woodworks, surprising the shit out of me, and here I am. This is how it always happens. You always only think of me when I'm not thinking of you. You find me when I'm perfectly content to be alone, wearing pjs and slippers watching tv on a Friday night. You find me when I'm so satisfied with my solitude that I can't imagine ever sharing it with anyone. I'm not lonely when I'm not missing someone or waiting for their call. I've accepted that I might have to be my own partner in life, which is better than having a bad one. Then here you are.
I've been through this before with others and it always ends the same. But I can't help but to test the waters a little.
I swore I wouldn't see you unless you really tried then all of a sudden you pick this moment to do just that.
I don't want to get sucked into more disappointment. I really don't. I'm perfectly happy when I'm not getting over somebody's absence. I perfected the art of being contently alone in my apartment and in my life. Shopping, running, thinking alone and not really interacting with anyone throughout the day.
Now suddenly you want to see me. It's gratifying since you harshly blew me off months ago. It feels good that you can't forget me. I withhold myself but I let you desire and crave me. I've already gotten over you so I don't care to give in and give you what you want. I'm making me happy this time. I lap up the attention but I don't know how this will continue. I try to explain a little of my plight but did I talk too much? Am I too intense for you?
But what do you want, really? I'm so sick of being a pet and I've been avoiding men for that reason. I really hope you're not only after my body. I've had enough of that.
It's so hard to tell. You don't talk. What are you thinking? Are you gonna disappoint me again? Am I foolish to even see you? Are you seeking me out because you now have the time for me? Or are you just bored? What you want with me? Do you even know? Because I don't. I just don't want to be let down again, so I'm not getting my hopes up. If you don't want me for more than a body than tell me now before I fall into foolishness. I suppose all I can do is see what happens. I hope you text me first.
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