Here I am again. Missing someone and something that never existed. Apparently I didn't pay all of my karmic debts.
Who the fuck was he anyway? Not the sweet, nice guy that I thought. He was just another coward that I meant nothing to. I hate being fucking shocked like this. I could've seen it coming.
Yes, he was acting a little distant but I thought that physical distance was the reason and I thought that we would mend it when we finally had time. I was so wrong again.
Now what? There's something about having your own place that became "our place." A place to get to know each other, eat, sleep together, and have fun. Now it feels so empty and lonely. Every space has him all over it. From my bed, my couch, to my shower. I can't stand it. I wish I could erase the memories. All the times I felt happy and almost complete with someone in my own private space are gone.
I can't let him take this from me. Before we started I felt independent and free. I can't let this break me. No one should have that much power.
Now I must make additions to my original mate criteria:
1 Must be able to communicate. Must be able to tell me how he's feeling and what he's thinking. I can't read fucking minds.
2. Must be passionate. Must feel intense things and be able to express them. Must not be able to walk away easily. Must not forget quickly.
3. Must be funny. My kind of funny.
4. Must be mature. Must make mature decisions and not hurt feelings carelessly. Must be thoughtful and considerate.
5. Must not be a FLAKEY FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!
That's all for now.
