Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Fooled

Getting over a break up is kinda like grieving. You have, essentially, lost someone close to you forever. You have to let go. You may see that person again, or you may not, but you will never see them in the context that you really know them. The closeness and the intimacy are gone. You feel awkward being within a few feet of each other when your bodies were once naked, glued together. You don't mention all the things that you shared together. You pretend they never happened.

They have become a stranger again. The person that you cared about is gone forever.

All you have left are memories. Sometimes you learn afterward that the memories weren't even real. The person fooled you into thinking they were someone else. They didn't mean all of the things that they said and did. Or maybe you misinterpreted everything. Maybe it all meant more to you then it ever did to them. And you had no idea. You wait for the memories to fade because they mostly cause pain.

I'm tired of mending my broken heart. I grow stronger and stronger every time but enough is enough. I want to be loved.

Rejection can affect me more then most people. I don't know why, but no matter how many people love me and how many guys are interested, only the guy that doesn't haunts me. It breaks down my self-confidence. I can't let this happen again.

I have the ability to be deliriously happy about nothing when the pain is gone. When I finally feel better, I feel unstoppable. I am independent and free again. I am loved. I am desired. I have the world at my fingertips. I wish I that I didn't have to get so down to feel so up again.

That's just how my life is. I guess I'd rather feel all the pain and happiness instead of feeling nothing. I just have a tendency toward the extremes.
I get better everyday. I can't wait until it's completely gone.